I'm A Brat

There are ugly things in all of us, right? Right. The one I notice that creeps up is when I find myself wringing my hands and worrying about all the "what-if's" and "if-only's" surrounded by a certain circumstance in my life.

I worry. I fret. I try to make plans and activate the situation to behave differently. I secretly stomp my foot and pout my face and say my prayers in such a way that it might sound more like an adult addressing an unpleasant problem than a 4 year old demanding her way and telling her Daddy all the reasons why she neeeeds what she is asking for.

I can be a real brat.

Not only can I get all up in a tizzy about this, but I can begin to formulate my own way out, and not trust that God will do it for me. Amazing what I will do for my kids in spite of a fit, but not because of it. If my kids would just wait and behave a bit more appropriately, things might look a little bit better for them. This logic works well on myself after a few days of self-pity.

Good news. God's not even like the good parents....He's better.

Even during my "fit" God answered the prayers we needed. I believe He did because my husband has so much faith, but I have to admit, He loves me too and delights in taking care of me.

I'm not saying I got everything I wanted just because I threw a fit, mild, but a fit, none the less. I'm saying, He provided because He said He would. Because He is faithful, not me. Because He is the giver of all good things, not me. Because He's God and I'm not. (Huh, there are no personal pronouns in those sentences. I should remember that.)

However, just before the prayer was answered, He was preparing me. You see, I knew my behavior was ugly and unjustified and so God lovingly let my husband put me in my place. We had, seriously, a great conversation that came very (super)naturally, and it addressed my "issues" and brat-ness. I believe God moved in my heart before He moved in our situation. (I still think He would have come thru because my husband is so cool, but He let me in on it too) :)

After all was said and done, I confessed that I can still be a brat. I can still display worry and doubt and even anger and flare up with entitlement issues. It's embarrassing. It's tiring. But, it's in the end, He becomes bigger and I become more aware of His goodness.

Brat or no brat, He is good.